SOLSC, March 16, 2017

Sometimes the best comedy is real life, even at 12:37am.

We have two dogs in our house right now.  They are literally the canine yin and yang, dancing around each other but rarely if ever actually touching, physically or emotionally.

The pup is an 18 month old bundle of unbridled energy.  She needs a good long run or ski every day and even though she is 60 pounds she can sprint at full speed the 50 feet from the front of our house to the back, deftly maneuvering around a sharp cornered coffee table and not smashing through the glass patio door.  She loves, loves, loves to chew and while she has mostly learned that shoes, gloves and toilet paper are off limits, she will still deliver them to us just to make sure we haven’t changed our minds.

The old man is the epitome of doggie downers, the most mellow dog ever.  In the past few months, this 14 year old love dog has been having hard time telling us when he needs to go out thus he
has been having a lot of accidents in the house.  Over the course of one week, many of these accidents occurred on the used-to-be-white rug under the coffee table.  We have steam cleaned it multiple times and about 2
weeks ago we gave up and threw the rug out and ordered a new one.   When it arrived we decided to leave it upstairs in our bedroom as the old dog can’t climb the stairs any longer.

Last night we wanted to watch tv.  The pup was antsy so we gave her a newly purchased and extra meaty bone.  That dog can chew on a bone for hours so we knew it was the perfect babysitter for the evening.  We enjoyed our show, she enjoyed her bone.  All was good.

Until 12:37 am.  If you have pets or children, you know the sound.  It wakes you instantly from the deepest of sleeps, that wretching sound just before it all comes up.  I flew out of bed knowing that the pup was about to throw up on the brand new rug.  I managed to get to her and move her before she threw up the second time but the first one, the biggest one, landed right smack in the middle of that pristine rug.  My husband and I turned on the light to find the HUGEST pile of puke ever.  All of her dinner and all of that bone marrow, swelled to double the size, in one giant pile.  I turned to take her downstairs and outside so I could gather what I needed to clean it all up.

The pup and I stumbled down the stairs and by the light of the moon, I started through the kitchen to the back door.  That is when my foot, fortunately covered by a sock, squished into something unfamiliar.  All I could do was hold my foot up and yell, “Eeewww”.  My husband flipped on the light to reveal a trail of dog poop across the kitchen floor.

I am quite sure at this point that both dogs were laughing hysterically, in their own canine way.  And we had to laugh as well.  Sometimes life scripts it better than the best of  writers could.