Do you ever have times when it seems like the world doesn’t know you are there? Sometimes I will be driving and someone on the road will cut me off or turn into me and I wonder if maybe I am really not there and they really didn’t see me. Or in a large group of people, it can sometimes feel like everyone is moving around you in a way that makes you feel invisible. Or in conversation with a group, you make a comment and no one responds but they all just keep talking over you. I find that happens more than I like and I am too often asking myself if I am really here.
And then there are times when your mother doesn’t even recognize you. We are visiting her for a few days and my husband and I tackled the jet lag by going for a walk at sunrise. When we got back to the pool area, my mom was talking with a friend of hers. I walked over and introduces myself to the woman and then we all started talking. A full 3-4 minutes later my mom realized that it was me.
I didn’t take it personally. She wasn’t expecting me to be there, I was wearing my new glasses that she hadn’t seen before, and the humidity here does some wild things to my hair. But it was just one more time that I had to wonder if I really am part of this world.